Don’t you hate it when vague memes and positivity pundits throw slogans like “Be yourself” at you? What does it even mean? Everyone wants to be a swami of motivation and inspiration since the journey they endured brought them peace and happiness and thus summarize it with reductive sayings like “Be yourself”.

Not gonna lie, I am also completely sailing that boat. So here I am, trying to unlock my true inner being, recognize my real passions, being not-basic and thus inevitably falling into hipster territory by doing so. The term ‘hipster’ has come a long ways since it’s inception and it has evolved into a full blown aesthetic; ripe for commoditization.

The inexplicable truth is, as a person in the creative field, my interests and aesthetics are invariably align with “hipster”. So I do a double take at everything I purchase in order to make sure that it’s hipster but not TOO hipster. Like an ironic hipster. But then in true inception-like fashion, ironic-hipsters became the hipster thing to be.

When did being too hipster become something weirdly unforgivable? It’s disheartening when you make an attempt to showcase your individuality by owning things that really speak to you, pursue unusual interests and passions, make something “my thing” and have it all be for naught as someone drops a casual “Wow you’re so hipster” complinsult; essentially heaping in all the hardwork put towards being-not- mainstream-mainstream, into a sad, little cliche.

When did being too hipster become something weirdly unforgivable?

The futility of trying to prove how much of a special snowflake I am is emotionally exhausting. To every meme that tells you how unique you are, there are equal amounts of memes lumping you into that dreaded “hipster” (and the often afflicted “millenial”) territory.

So to all of that, I say.. forget all that angst and annoyance. Who needs all that noise in your life; telling you what is and isn’t kosher, especially in regards to discrediting your desire to be different. Just pretend that you are that special snowflake because no one else will give you the gratification of saying it to your face. Wear what you wear, like what you like.

Oh, you saw the jacket I was wearing at Hot Topic? Cool brah but did the model look as good as I do in this bangin’ jacket?

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Awesome illustration by Charlit Floriano

Chillwave, lo-fi hip hop goodness that you can listen to with pretty much any activity you can think of. I play this while I’m working, cooking, bathing and even painting. In fact, sometimes I just sit there in a semi-catatonic state, doing nothing but listening to the lovely beats. 

I think it’s irresponsible to ask or to tell people to reconsider their entire sense of self and suddenly start shitting out rainbows of positive optimism. At many junctures in my life, I’ve been told that I’m a “debbie downer”, that I’m too “critical” or “negative”. Fortunately, I don’t let haters get me down lol

I’m not someone you would call a “cheerful person” nor am I a mindless idealist. I hate to consider myself naive, even though I am in many aspects. I like to think I am “pragmatic” and “careful” and I’ve come to realize that a lot of it is simply based on my upbringing. This mindset has benefitted me enormously as it has helped me overcome much sadness and grief. It also helped me introspectively learn from my experiences, but I also realize that the people around me may or may not view my version of “pragmatism” with favourable light.

In comparison to some of my most beloved people, who radiate positive vibes, I’m often the grounding force, which can often come across as cynical, doubtful or untrusting.

It has taken me a long time to tell myself that there is nothing wrong with this. I’ve developed certain habits and ideas based on my experiences and to deny myself this, is a disservice to myself. However, I could not excuse myself for using this mentality as a way to get out of changing my ideas about life and living in a warped sense of fear. I found it too claustrophobic to be chained by my own ideas of what was good and bad. I had to take what I had and turn it into something that I could work with. I realized that no one could liberate me but myself.

In comparison to some of my most beloved people, who radiate positive vibes, it is far easier for me to be the grounding force that can often come across as cynical, doubtful or untrusting.

I’m still working on understanding how I can harness doubt, cynicism and angst with mindfulness instead of berating myself for not being a unicorn. I have to allow myself to feel miserable and then separate myself from the situation somehow to be able to understand and see that the thing/event/person on the other end of my hate also might feel the same way about me or has no clue at all. I have to remind myself that the ‘wrongdoer’ probably didn’t wake up that morning thinking that they’d make some chump miserable. I have been working it out of my system, complaining and whining the whole way but at the same time, struggling to keep empathy and understanding so that my sense of self or reality did not get distorted in the process.

_{One day, this will be me}

I like to think that I’ve taken my pragmatism and made it a little more palatable, more relatable and more empathetic instead of being this “realist” with unchangeable ideals, living in fear.

It has been a couple of years since I’ve started doing this and only now it seems my “pragmatism” yields better results other than “Wow, you bring me down” or “Why are you so cynical?”. Not just for myself, but for the people that I love, I like to think that I’ve taken my pragmatism and made it a little more palatable, more relatable and more empathetic instead of being this “realist” with unchangeable ideals, living in fear.

credit: animated gif illustrated and animated by Justyna Babinska

I love this outfit. The jeans cut off at right above my ankles and so I get to show off my sexy ankles or my extra cute socks (cause I only own cute socks obv) The sweatshirt is something random I found at a shop and bought for 1000yen ($10) 

It fulfilled all my shopping requirements i) cuteness factor (complete with nonsense french!) ii) ultimate comfort. iii) works with multiple outfits iv) affordable.

Also, here’s my bag of clothes that did not make the cut. I’m not a compulsive shopper or a clothes hoarder by a long shot, but I still put away 20-30 different articles of clothing (JUST CLOTHES! Not even accessories or undershirts or coats). 

How did I do it? …I just thought about what I wanted to wear for the next seven to eight days and if each piece of clothing worked with more than one outfit. 

My clothing count in this catalog is now up to 4.

Originally posted by tyjo-jishwa-imagines

…is that it’s depressing. It’d be a flat out lie to say that I don’t like shopping. I like it so much in fact that I need to take steps to curb it. On days when I feel like my life has been a real bummer, there is nothing a cute little dress won’t cure.

Originally posted by 1943newyork

Then comes the actual shopping. I’m by no means a petite lady but in the past 10,950 days I’ve spent on this planet, it has been a molasses-like realization ( a true understanding, not just ‘knowledge’) that the world has an idea of what I look like, what my body SHOULD look like and everything that I like has been catered to that ideal. Instead of buying clothes for my body and myself, I’m buying clothes that get me closer to that skewered ideal.

Instead of buying clothes for my body and myself, I’m buying clothes that get me closer to that skewered ideal.

And thus, I try on a multitude of cute dresses that grace the store shelves with their overwhelming cuteness that just… don’t look so cute on me. I tell myself “maybe you should just lose some weight instead of buying new clothes” or “maybe if your legs weren’t so stumpy or your shoulders weren’t so broad… ”

Rationally, I’m aware that I’m falling into that same ol’ trap but when I’m standing in front of the mirror and don’t like what I see, it doesn’t take long for me to convince myself that I’m full of regrets.

So here’s a real FK YOU to society. I’m taking back my wardrobe and my self-esteem that you want so badly. I will have my cake and eat it too… just.. at a much, much slower pace.

First attempt at cataloguing outfits that work in multiple ways. The tunic is really simple and lovely and works well in the winter time. I overheat really easily so instead of wearing really thick clothing in the winter I prefer to layer. The key to putting this outfit together for me is the tunic. So since it’s the focal point, my sweater and leggings need to compliment it which is why warm grey and black let the polka dotted cuteness shine.

Unfortunately it mayyyy be a tad too short to wear as a dress in the summer. I might be able to find short shorts to wear under, but in the mean time, i’ll stick with black leggings.

BEFORE

AFTER

My bookmarks have been a slow moving nightmare as I’ve accumulated hundreds of bookmarks since…well..since I can’t remember.

So now since I’m trying to reclaim my time spent fighting Facebook’s infinite scroll, I’ve decided to make good on my overdue desire to invest that time into more useful websites. That meant going through my bookmarks folder and slapping the dust off those awesome aggregator websites I told myself I’d go back to read. I’d bookmarked such a myriad of crap that I had to create folders to keep them organized. From “Propagating Succulents” to “Intro to WebGL and ThreeJS”, and everything in between were put into the “Misc & How To” Folder. So now at least all the randoms are in one place. They key was to keep the Folder titles super vague lol.

Perhaps one day I shall muster the courage to start creating sub folders, but for now, I just want easy access to the sites that are going to help me stay away from Facebook.

I’m probably not going to be very coherent or articulate as I try to transition and create habits that reinforce my desire to be with less. Two of things that I’m going to try and rework in the next two weeks.

My wardrobe

Pick 10-15 core articles of clothing and create an array of outfits. Reduce stress about having to pick outfits, probably lessen my desire to buy more shit. Continually reduce the size of my wardrobe.

Online time

A crap ton of time spent perusing through FB. Idk why. I’ve felt for a while that it’d be better if I just spent that time reading good stuff. Art websites, good blogs, videos etc. Curate my bookmarks list and make it a habit to go through those when the twitch happens. Stop infinite scrolling to FB. Super counter-productive.